Just Rays

It’s hot, people. Cha-cha sweating hot. This is a good thing. In fact, the only complaint I have is that, due to everyone lifting up their windows, I am subjected to my neighor's Nickelback crap (or whatever it is - all bad new music is labeled "Nickelback " by me.) Oh great - the neighbor is now singing along - totally belting it out, American Idol-style. Whatever tom-or-row brings, I'll be there with open arms and open eyes ... This is really hilarious. I'm tempted to do a little "sing back."

Seth McWhat? Clung? I don't have to tell you how funny that is. Cow Dung McClung. Static McClung. Look, I coughed up a McCLung!

May is "Heavy Metal Month" on VH1. I am horribly addicted to the programming. I am actually mad because they are telling the "Story of Heavy Metal" and KISS is being played now, during the game. I've heard a million variations of this and it never gets old for me. My father had a friend whose daughter had all 4 of the KISS dolls and I was insanely jealous. During the "Top 100 Metal Bands of All Time," Guns and Roses actually placed closer to number one than KISS. That, my friends, is an outrage. Nothing against G&R, but come on! Watching the countdown pretty much confirmed the following:

1. Lita Ford is useless.


2. The guy from Ratt, Stephen Pearcy, aged nicely. The odds were not in his favor.


3. I genuinely like CC Deville, though I genuinely dislike Poison.


4. I've always had a soft spot for James Hetfield. I bet he'd be an interesting guy to have a brewskie with.


5. On the topic of Metallica, Jason Newsted looks like my friend, Geoff (who spells his name the same way as Tate, from Queensryche).


6. I could go on and on with this irrelevant stuff.

At the bottom of the 2nd, Harris attempted a steal ... and actually got it. Then, Youk reached 3rd after turning around - excuse me? - to see where the ball was. It should have been a double. I really thought he was out, but apparently the tag was weak or nonexistent, so Youk was called safe. Wicked huge gift.

Trot got yet ANOTHER clutch hit. Still, I am completely confused as to why he's "totally overrated." Can someone explain this to me? Since when was Trot considered to this big hero/God? He's been here a while, fans go out and buy his player jersey, I think he's earned that. Never have I heard anyone gush like crazy over Trot. He's a pretty decent and consistent guy (left handed pitchers not considered), he doesn't bellyache, he does his share of charity work in a quiet way. All this complainin’ necessitates a little ‘splainin’!

The other day, my friend Ilene mastered Papelbon face. Here is me, trying to do it:



She and I also talked about how weird it is that some pitchers try to will home runs into routine pop-ups by immediately pointing their index fingers up, almost angry-like while the ball sails into the stands. I like combining the Papelbon face with the angry finger point.

I guess we can’t call the Devil Rays the Devil Rays anymore. They’re pulling a Jefferson Starship here. “We’re called Jefferson Airplane. No, wait, we’re changing it. Starships are cooler than airplanes. You know what? Screw it – we’re just going to be: Starship.” So, using this logic, the Devil Rays are now “The Rays.” I doubt that this is going to do much in the improvement department. They stink. They’ll always stink (except Rocco Baldelli). You know, I actually liked the Devil part of their name. Now, they’re just a bunch of generic shmoes. You can call me Ray or you can call me Jay …

Hearing Joey Gathwright’s name always makes me think of this:
"She call, I yell 'Cartwright! Cartwright! no one answer, she say cuss-word, I hang up."

So, it’s the bottom of the 5th and the "You Can Call Me Rays" are gaining on us.

P.S. Travis Lee thinks he's Nomar.