College Station Agony

I enjoy the unpredictability and often eccentric music selections of college radio. "The Coffehouse" (Emerson) and "Breakfast of Champions" (MIT) are both really fine weekday programs and good alternatives to the same old-same old. Why, then, do the DJs have to be so boring and mundane? Wouldn't you guess that most of them are aspiring professional DJs? Should they not be trying even harder than those gainfully employed by the Infinity/Clearwater type stations? Is there some set of rules that these students have to follow (underlying message being: do not reveal a personality)?

1. DON'T have an opinion.
2. DO try to be as monotone as possible.
3. DO read every detail about a song to the listener. Include the liner notes, if at all possible.
4. Men: Do your best Ira Glass impersonation (NPR, This American Life)
5. When in doubt, be pretentious.
6. DO apologize for every sniffle and cough and yawn.
7. Women: Try not to sound your age. Listeners will appreciate a higher pitched "baby girl" voice.
8. DO drag words out and insert lots of unnecessary pauses. Ex: You have been listening tooooooo Miles [pause] Davis from his [long pause] Kind of Bluuuuue release from the Sony Recordsssssss label.

How about an occasional joke? One that isn't pompous?